By Ami Medina, Dec. 10, 2024
The day after my mother passed away, my father bestowed upon me waves of comfort, such as hugs, kisses and soothing words of affirmation that everything would be ok. He then turned to my youngest brother, age 18, who had tears in his eyes and pulled him close.
He whispered in his ear, “You have to be strong, you’re a man.”
My brother quickly wiped his tears, straightened his shoulders and nodded, trying to embody the strength his father expected of him.
A week goes by, and my grandma visits to check on the well-being of her son and grandchildren. She greeted my father and brothers, then turned to me with a look of disappointment.
“¿Y por qué no has cocinado para tu papá y tus hermanos?” (Why haven’t you cooked for your dad and brothers?), she asked. Her voice tinged with concern.
As the only woman left in the house, I had no time to mourn; my role was clear. I was to step into my duties and serve the men in the house.
Even amid grief and loss, the machismo culture embedded in my Mexican American family could not recognize the situation and remained unchanged. Machismo culture not only suppresses emotional expression but also prevents healing. We must evolve for the well-being of future generations.
Machismo is a culture that encourages an extreme masculine identity, according to Zacharias Sexual Abuse Center. It is characterized as a series of beliefs allowing dominant attitudes and behaviors constructed to preserve and strengthen male dominance over women.
This masculinity, often toxic as its extreme, passed down through generations, is a product of deep-rooted trauma. In Latino culture, these ideals are ingrained from an early age, where boys are taught to suppress feelings and assert power and control over their environment. Many times, this results in them normalizing their misogynistic behavior towards others.
As a newer generation, we are fortunate to have evolved beyond some of these outdated gender norms, but the remnants of this culture still echo in our lives. Even as we strive for progress, the influence of machismo continues to affect us—mentally, emotionally, and socially. This deeply ingrained set of beliefs about gender roles has long told us that men must be dominant, stoic and emotionally detached, as women are expected to be nurturing, passive, and submissive.
These expectations not only limit our freedom but also shape how we relate to one another.
We are left navigating between two worlds: one that demands change and one that resists it. While we may not bear the same burdens as our parents, we are still marked by the weight of their traditional ways.
This experience of gender expectations is not unique to me. Many have encountered similar moments of emotional and social confinement due to machismo culture.
Mathieu Hernandez, a criminology student at Cal Poly Pomona, grew up in a Mexican American family shaped by these traditional norms and shared his own struggles with how machismo impacted his life.
“Turning 15 in our culture is a big deal, and all my friends were having Quinceañeras,” Hernandez said. “Excited to turn 15 as well, I asked my parents if I could have something similar, like a Quinceañero for a boy. They quickly pointed out how strange that was, and boys can’t have Quinceañeras.”
This pressure to conform to traditions extended beyond significant events that affected the most personal choices, like the sports he played.
“Another big thing was the sports that I played,” Hernandez said. “I really loved volleyball growing up; however, volleyball, in their eyes, was not a very masculine sport, so I needed to play basketball, soccer, or baseball. I wasn’t able to play volleyball.”
Hernandez’s story about being discouraged from playing a sport he loved because it wasn’t considered masculine showed how traditional gender expectations can go as far as limiting individual expression and passion.
Briana Tapia, an apparel merchandising and management student at CPP, said she struggled with her femininity in her Mexican American family’s machismo culture.
As the only girl among three older brothers, Tapia faced intense pressure to conform to the traditional gender roles her family had set for her.
“My father likes to call himself a traditional man, Tapia said. “In his eyes, I was just supposed to learn how to cook and clean and not explore any other aspects of life.”
The influence of adhering to traditional roles affected not only her responsibilities at home but also her interests.
“I am a fashion major, and we do a lot of sewing. I had my sewing machine, and I was always uncomfortable doing my own hobbies at home because I knew my priority was to keep the house clean and have dinner ready since most of my family would be at work. I was so preoccupied with that; I never had the energy to explore my hobbies.”
For Tapia, growing up in a home with these rigid gender expectations didn’t allow her to be an average young girl who was comfortable expressing her femininity.
“I was never allowed to paint my nails or do my makeup because, in my father’s eyes, that was a portrayal of not being good and pure,” said Tapia. “He believed a good woman stays in her place and is quiet and natural. Because of this, I struggled with confidence when it came to the girly stuff because I could never be myself in my household.”
Tapia’s experience is also an example of marianismo, a concept that reflects the idealized, traditional roles of women within Latino culture, particularly those influenced by machismo.
According to verywellmind.com, marianismo is a cultural term derived from the reverence of the Virgin Mary in the Catholic tradition. The term emphasizes purity, moral strength, self-sacrifice and submissiveness in women.
While machismo places pressure on men to be strong, dominant, and the primary breadwinners, marianismo places women in a position of subordination where they are expected to uphold the family’s honor through their roles as selfless caregivers, nurturers, and moral compasses.
This concept often implies that a “good woman” is modest, domestic, and dutiful, embodying characteristics such as piety, submission, and emotional restraint.
As a result, women’s perspectives on life are often limited from a young age, with little encouragement to explore a world that offers so much more than life inside the house.
Our generation has the power to break free from the constraints of machismo and marianismo by consciously challenging outdated gender roles and embracing equality. While it can be difficult to go against the traditions of our elders, especially in cultures where respect for authority is crucial, the key is to approach these conversations with compassion and education.
We can gently educate those around us, our parents, grandparents, and others who are deeply rooted in traditional norms, by explaining how these beliefs can limit personal freedom and emotional well-being.
Elders in Latino communities often hold strong cultural ties to family and respect for tradition. One effective way to address the issue of machismo is through personal storytelling. Sharing stories of how gender roles have harmed or limited you or other family members. Instead, avoid blaming or shaming and frame the discussion as an opportunity to build understanding and improve relationships.
It’s important to recognize that challenging machismo and marianismo does not mean rejecting our culture or disrespecting our elders; instead, it is about evolving to create a more inclusive and balanced society.
The stories shared here highlight the pain and limitations imposed by rigid gender roles, but they also show the strength and resilience needed to forge a better future. By acknowledging the impact of these cultural expectations and taking steps to educate, challenge and redefine them, we can create a society where freedom, equality and self-expression are accessible to all.
Feature image courtesy of Ami Medina
