That’s what she said

By Tobias Jahn

TOBIASJAHN

Women are only driving us crazy

Ladies, allow me to apologize.

Millions of men make the same mistake all the time. When will we
learn?

But the truth is we love to make this mistake, over and over
again.

What is this reoccurring instance of error in judgment?

We let you drive us home.

You know the story. You are at a party, having a good time and
the drinks start to flow. Next thing you know your guy has had too
much to drink and he hands you the keys to his precious ride.

It is only in a true state of inebriation that a guy would make
such a mistake. Our car is an extension of our very being.

How can we put such an important element of our identities and
livelihoods in the hands of a woman?

Regardless, we are drunk and we are not thinking straight. So we
force you to drive us home. Again, we are sorry for this.

On the way home, guys always fall asleep. It’s some kind of
miracle with the cosmos.

The second the car starts moving, we forget about the terrible
situation we are in ” a women in control of our precious vehicle ”
and we rest assured you know what you are doing.

Sure, you may burn up the clutch or destroy our brakes, but you
get us home safe.

Ironically, our guy senses kick in and cause us wake up just as
the parking nightmare begins.

We may be close to home, but we are far from getting there in a
timely manner.

Girls, why can’t you parallel park?

It’s hard to put it in words, the stress we see on your faces as
you feebly attempt to park.

Instead of looking at us with a frantic expression of hate and
anger, look out the back window!

Nothing helps a guy relax like the sound of his bumper smashing
into someone else’s car.

Regardless, somehow we wake up the next morning and we are both
in one piece.

Scratched bumpers or not, we love you for your courageous
attempt at handling such a complex piece of machinery.

We are just glad you got us home safe, and it was our fault for
drinking too much in the first place.

But one thing is for sure, it’s not our fault you can’t
drive!

SARAHELKEAIKATI

Parallel parking is the least of our
worries

OK. So men are better at parking.

Ladies, don’t get offended. Research has proven this phenomenon
and to be quite honest, it’s not that big of a deal.

Anytime I have to fit my Honda Accord between two other cars, I
make sure the space is big enough to comfortably fit your typical
18-wheeler.

This way, I have plenty of space. If this technique doesn’t work
for you, maybe a bike rack is a better parking option. Hop on your
10-speed and stay off the road.

Statistics, which show that men are typically 5 percent more
competent at parallel parking, are by no means limitations.

If it bothers you that he can park the car with exact precision,
go to an abandoned parking lot and put in some work.

Oh and be sure you’re using his car as the test vehicle. That
will teach him to diss your parking skills.

So the boys win this one. But for the ladies’ sake, let us dive
into the things that women do better than men. Though this list is
obviously too long to go over in one column, we’ll discuss the five
favorites:

1) We dress better. Let’s face it, if it wasn’t for the women in
their lives, most men would have three dirty T-shirts, a sports
jersey and one pair of denim jeans that turn into cut-off shorts
when June rolls around.

2) We’re cleaner. Our apartments don’t require Tetanus shots
before entry and the dishes in our sinks don’t reach the ceiling
before something is done about it.

3) We’re a better boss. Experts say women are better managers
and bosses because we are better listeners, problem solvers and
multi-taskers.

4) We’re more likely to graduate college and in a shorter period
of time, reports the Department of Education Statistics. It’s
probably because while we’re busy studying, guys are busy studying
us.

5) We eat healthier and live longer. Studies show that women
tend to have a healthier diet than men. Also, estrogen helps women
better fight bodily infections making our immune systems
stronger.

So take pride in perfect parking, guys. You don’t have much else
on us.

Reach Sarah Elkeaikati at: opinions@thepolypost.com

That

Paul Rosales/Poly Post

That’s what she said

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