Go the distance when it counts

By Tobias Jahn

LONG DISTANCE

I have been dating this guy Christoph, whom I have been in love
with since I was 12, for the past two years. I am 21 now.

The only problem is that he is in Germany and I am in
California.

We have absolutely nothing in common but somehow, we are still
together. He is very distant, not only physically but also
emotionally.

I ask myself, “why is he with me if he does not show any
affection other than physical when I go visit?”

Does he really love me and if he doesn’t, why does he bring me
home to his family?

Can a relationship work if the partners have nothing in common?
Do opposites really attract?

-Dazed Distance

Dear Distance,

Opposites sure do attract because it’s something you don’t know.
With the hunger for knowledge that’s in every normal human, we want
to get to know this unknown.

Note though, that just because the opposite attracts, it doesn’t
mean it works out.

It is easy to fall in love with the opposite because it feels
like a challenge.

The real challenge, however, is to find a person that fits you
and then fall in love with them. People always want what they can’t
have or don’t have, which is why your opposite is so
interesting.

It is much more work to keep the opposite around than a person
that fits you like two peas in a pod.

He must like you and really must want to make this relationship
work if he puts an effort in staying in touch with you over long
distance. A nine-hour time difference isn’t easy to manage.

It takes a lot of trust on both ends to make this relationship
work and if he puts in the effort to call, he is showing you that
he trusts you and that you can trust him. That is the most
important thing in a relationship.

Over such a long distance it is really easy to just ignore the
other person so keep that in mind because he doesn’t do that.

That he introduced you to his family should show you that you
mean something to him. Boys don’t just introduce any girl to their
parents if she doesn’t mean anything to them.

That he is so distant with you has to do with the fact that the
only time you get to talk to each other is online, or over the
phone, and he wants you to be there.

Secondly, he doesn’t know what you want in a guy. It’s not easy
to be a guy in today’s world. Girls have this dream about “Prince
Charming” and want a guy to be everything at once: Strong and
sensitive, sexy and parental, successful and family oriented, a
mechanic and a chef”you get my point. However these guys usually
don’t get the girl. A guy has to be narcissistic, self-obsessed,
and insensitive to make him attractive to a girl because he has to
be a challenge for her.

It is not easy for a guy to know what a girl wants because she
doesn’t even know herself. So don’t blame it on him if he is
emotionally distant and pejorative.

I can’t really say if this relationship will work. By what you
wrote, it seems like he likes you, but whether such a long distance
is good for a relationship in which the two people have nothing in
common, is questionable.

You’re questioning this relationship yourself and you should
never question it because that usually marks the beginning of the
end.

Maybe you two need to talk more openly and see where you stand
the next time you see each other.

The fire might still be there or you might realize that it’s all
gone. It would be sad if you two wasted your time, and maybe even
passed up on another person that you really liked, for something
that has no future because of your differences.

I would just wait and see what happens when you two see each
other the next time.

Until then, just live your life. You can stay in contact but
don’t make it seem like you are in a relationship with him.

If he really likes you he will still be there when you’re in
Germany the next time.

Reach Tobias Jahn at: opinions@thepolypost.com

Go the distance when it counts

Go the distance when it counts

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