A vicious cycle is hard to escape

By Valerie Chen

My girlfriend and I have been dating since we were 16.
After four years of serious dating, she cheated on me. She begged
for forgiveness, and we started dating again. For the past year,
it’s been back and forth. She wants to be single and date other
guys, she doesn’t know what she wants and then she wants to be with
me (and for me not to be with anyone else). She also has talked to
and hooked up with people behind my back. I don’t know how much
more I can take. I love her and can’t see myself with anyone else.
Am I holding onto something that’s not there? How can I move on and
not get hurt anymore? ” Anonymous

Everyone has his or her first love. It is exciting and induces
butterflies-in-your-stomach, especially at an age as young as 16
when relationships are new and unfamiliar.

But remember, you are in your early 20’s and still incredibly
young ” there are so many people to meet, including another person
to date and possibly fall in love with.

Although you may have fallen in love with your ex-girlfriend for
a good reason, things can change. Unfortunately, she is not the
same person you fell in love with.

Anyone who truly loves and cares about you is not going to treat
you way she has been treating you.

It is not her lack of desire to be with you that is out of
line. Rather, it is her insistence on stringing you along and
continually giving you false hope.

People are human and make mistakes. It’s inevitable ” no one is

It is up to the person who makes that mistake to learn from it
rather than repeat it.

Thus, giving someone a second chance is fair, as long as the
person is worthy of that chance.

When handing out chances becomes a reoccurring and draining
experience, it is time to take a step back and evaluate if these
distributed chances have a positive effect.

Not only has she cheated on you after four years of dating, but
she also continues to demean your trust ” even after being
allocated another generous chance and apparently unmerited

Having shared a long amount of time and thus, a vast amount of
experiences with your ex-girlfriend, a relationship is bound to be
difficult to let go.

It is easy to become emotionally attached to someone when you
let him or her into your heart.

However, by doing whatever she wants to do without a second
thought ” such as being with other people while telling you she
wants to be with you ” your ex-girlfriend is being inconsistent
and inconsiderate.

Furthermore, there is a selfish double standard: She can be with
others, but you cannot.

It is time for the tables to turn ” do what it is best for

No one deserves to have his or her feelings treated with
absolute disregard.

Break the vicious cycle that she has created and you
inadvertently encourage.

It is not going to be easy, but time can eventually heal

In the meantime, keep busy. Enjoy the positive aspects of being
single, such as having more spare time and the freedom to do what
you want to do.

Spend time with good friends and family, participate in
extracurricular activities and focus on school, work and most
importantly, yourself.

Put yourself out there. Step out of your comfort zone and
refrain from monotony by visiting unfamiliar places.

Take opportunities to meet new people.

Getting over an ex is never easy, but these are a few steps in
the right direction.

Don’t hesitate to ask me a ques-chen at
formspring.me/askmeaqueschen or send an e-mail to

A mile in another man

Valerie Chen, Asst. LifeStyle Editor / The Poly Post

A mile in another man’s shoes

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