Lesson learned in confidence

By Hannah Mueoz

I was an outcast, an ugly kid, a tomboy, a middle child and I
hardly ever got attention from anyone. In my mind, my older sister
was such the attention hog, which always brings to mind Jan’s
experience from the Brady Bunch of “Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.”

It was terrible.

In middle school, I began to think I was a lesbian. These
thoughts did not arise because of my desire to be with another
girl, this mentality came about because I didn’t think I was good
enough for anything else.

I’m not saying that being with someone else of the same sex is a
lower status, I’m saying that boys only look at the exterior, and
they want someone totally feminine who smells like flowers and
dresses like a princess. And that just wasn’t me.

During my encounters with lesbians, they seem to value the inner
nature of a person, and some girls I’ve talked to said they are
with another girl because only girls understand what girls’ true
feelings really are.

Even though this is not what I wanted, I came to terms that
nobody else would accept me – besides girls. During this time, my
life revolved around the basketball court, because I played
basketball seven days a week, and I spent lots of time with my girl
teammates.

I dressed like a baller, walked like a baller and talked like a
baller.

I knew they had accepted me for who I was, and I knew I wouldn’t
have a problem finding a soulmate – who was a girl – if I
wished.

Going back to my experience, boys never looked at me, and when
they did, I’m sure it was a look of disgust.

It made it so much easier to accept that my future was to be
with a girl. They were so much more accepting of me. Looking back
on my mentality, I’ve come to realize this was a result of low
self-confidence. I didn’t think I was good enough for my true
desires: boys.

Following my middle school self pity, my beautiful, girly, older
sister helped me become more feminine during my high school
years.

Wow, what a change I experienced. It was so weird for me to have
a guy look at me without wanting to throw up. I would actually get
compliments from guys saying, “You look pretty today.”

I must admit, I went a little crazy with the new attention, but
this also boosted my self-confidence more than you can imagine.

Looking good did not only make me feel physically better, I
believe it helped me exceed in school and want to accomplish more
in life.

Yeah, being an outcast was not the best feeling in the world,
but it taught me one of my biggest life lessons.

I learned I must not be discouraged by measly hindrances such as
this, and when I encounter roadblocks in life, I must simply drive
around them with force.

Looking back on my self-perceived image, I totally accepted the
fact that I was not pretty, and I didn’t even attempt to change
that.

I didn’t attempt to find a guy to truly value my inner person,
nor did I try to get out of my self-pity.

My attractiveness, which developed in high school rescued me
from this hole I would have remained in.

I am glad I went through this experience because I know I will
never let my lack of confidence drown me so greatly.

From now on, I will wear my confidence with a smile.

Lesson learned in confidence

Allen Chen/Poly Post

Lesson learned in confidence

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